Sin Ti, no soy nada..

Lately, when people ask me how things are going here, I respond with the typical "It's going good! Things are picking up and we're getting settled in well!". Each time I do this, my insides scream "Tell them what God is teaching you rather than what you are doing!". Because, quite frankly, I, myself, cannot do anything without Him.

Lately, the Lord has been pounding in my head and heart my desperate need for Him.  To be able to see this need, He's specifically teaching me humility, and how to humble myself before Him.

humility -- the quality or condition of being humble; (thanks for nothing dicitonary.com)
              -- modest opinion or estimate of one's own importance, rank, etc.

Just for the sake of it..

humble -- not proud or arrogant; modest.

             -- having a feeling of insignificance, inferiority, subservience, etc.

             -- low in rank, importance, status, quality, etc.

             -- courteously respectful.

             -- low in height, level, etc.; small in size.

             -- to lower in condition, importance, or dignity; abase.

             -- to destroy the independence, power, or will of.

             -- to make meek: to humble one's heart.

 

This last definition of humble is what I'm going for.  a humble heart. But what does that really mean?

For me, Philippians 2:3-4 comes to mind. "Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourself. Let each one of you not only look to your own interests, but also to the interests of others."  Ok so, let's just think about that.  We've always heard "put others first", but practicing it is always easier said than done. Especially, when humbling ourselves before the King of Kings.  In Luke 9 Jesus says "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it." Denying oneself.. basically the opposite of what we're taught growing up in the USA.  It's all about how hard you work and how much you study and what you make of yourself.  The "American Dream" is what we all aim for: success, security, love, happiness, joy. And I'm not saying any of those things are bad desires, but we I tend to forget that my purpose here is not to glorify myself.  My purpose is to glorify God, the Creator of absolutely everything.  And to do this, my focus cannot be on myself, my life, my friends, my family, my job, nothing, but Him, because without Christ, I cannot do anything to make any one of these good, pure, lovely, or holy. 
 

In order to fully depend on the Lord, I'm learning that I must really see my depravity as a sinner. Although I'm a sinner saved by grace (PTL!), I still have the sinful nature of a human. And after being in Peru these past two months, God is revealing to me one huge sin that I've been living in for a wayy long time. That, my friends, is pride.  

pride -- a high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc.

Wait, didn't I just say that cannot do anything without Christ?  So seeking Christ wholeheartedly and dying to myself to glorify His name leaves no room for my selfish pride.  I have done nothing significant ever in my life. I am a missionary only by the grace of God.  I deserve an eternity apart from His unfailing love. I absolutely hate this sin that looms over me daily! I read this article this week that says "I remember that I am by nature a depraved sinner and that, in all my sinning, I have treated God with contempt, preferring other things to his glory. I take stock that I have never done a good deed for which I don’t need to repent."  And this is soo true.  Isaiah tells us that even our greatest efforts to please God are like filthy rags.  Wanna know the beauty of it?  He loves us still.  How marvelous! How wonderful! is my Saviors love for me! That he would love me still, after all the times I've chosen the world over him! 

I guess my point in writing this is to say, Glory to God for being Him, for loving us still, for His grace and mercy.  I encourage you (whoever actually takes time to read what I have to say) to humble yourself before the Lord, and let his all consuming love radiate in you, so that you can bring more glory to His precious name.